A new revelation

It finally makes sense.
I've gone through life thinking i will always want what i can't have. Him. Always thinking big and therefore never getting anywhere. Well, I know what i want know, and what I've truly wanted from day one. Friendship.

That first day of school he didn't seem to have a care in the world, just like any other teenage guy, aiming to goof off and only do what is extremely necessary in school, and that's all. I was wrong. I had heard about him through my friends, things like "hot", "talented" and etc. but i didn't really pay much attention to them. That was, until one day i walked passed the Drama room and heard what at first startled me. Classical Music. This surprised me as i wondered who would be listening to classical music in a drama room, and that's when i saw him. There he was with his black leather jacket, red converse, and black pants, not listening, but PLAYING it. I surprised me beyond belief. Why would a cute, popular, boy be spending his time alone in a room playing for HIMSELF, not even for an audience. He was amazing, a pianist, no other word could explain it. As effortless as if he was born to play.
I had always loved classical music, but hid that fact during my childhood to fit in, but here he was hiding absolutly none of it.

It was just the shattering fact that there was a guy that was not as shallow as a birdbath.
And that started my adoration of him. I saw him as an idol, someone to look up to, to admire, to look to when i had no were to go.
And that is exactly what i did, for one year.
Until now.
The problem is i don't know what he wants, i can't force friendship upon him, or myself for that matter.
The only questions are what is my next move? What now? How much time do I truly have? And whether or not I should go on with my dreams of learning from his talent, his songwriting, his originality.
Only time and him can tell,

Novel

Here's what I've got so far, or well the preface anyway...



PREFACE



[poem the moon, see bellow]



Ashley groaned as she threw the now crumpled sheet in to the trash, missing it in her fury. She returned to the window, staring out at the near perfect sky. At anytime it would have been perfect; the stars were illuminated glowing with hope any certainty; the wind, calm only with the slightest breeze sending air though the dark open window; the moon a perfect crescent, reflecting though the trees and lighting up the dark night.
Yet the night, as perfect as it was, for Ashley it was ruined.
The news of her brother, though to anyone else old, was the same as the first. She had started writing as soon as she could contain the tears that ruined the page.
She turned her gaze to the sky, letting her mind wander with the patterns of the stars. It was as if everything reminded her.
She slammed closed the window, to hard it seems and she listened to see if she had startled anyone. The silence was unnerving. She turned to reach for her light, knocking over instead the picture of her brother. Tears threatened to fall down her face. It was not the though of her brother, but the the frame he had given her, and his high school picture that was contained in behind the glass.
It was a memory she wanted to forget, but deep down, subconsciously she never really wanted to. it was the most changing moment of her life. Like the picture, which she now picked up, he was flat a relaxed, in a wooden frame that day. The coffin had been lowered and she turned away.
She flipped over the picture, it too had no life left in it. That is what finally broke her guard. She glanced at the clock, sighing as effortlessly as she could as tears streamed down her face. Pulling the electrical cord for the alarm clock as she did, she fell into her bed wishing not to sleep or stay awake as the memories tore silently at her heart.

Two Words

Writer's Block

Fire

For Valerie

Fire, a girl by any other word,
a spirit with immense light.
A flash, a spark as darkness falls,
a flame that lines the night.

Fire sees though the darkest paths,
and leaves the sky a blur.
The stars, the moon, shine high above
the woods, the brush deter.

Fire burns with merciless strength
the earth, the hills, the trees.
The flames are high and proud,
defeated only by the seas.

The moon

For Trevor

The moon shines over the lake

lit by the overcast on the sun's rays
Reflected upon the crisp open waters
the mist floats above in a haze

The moon replaces the sun with pleasure
the awaiting eyes can see
The ever changing glow
of the night's misery

The moon is hidden by clouds of rain
that cover the stars and sky
The shining light makes it though the fog
the summer's sweet July

The moon calms the water's edge
secrets hidden behind it's face
The moon sets the everlasting serene
the sweet loving, calm embrace

While my guitar gently weeps

I was overjoyed when my uncle brought me one of his guitars, I played it for hours.
I am working on If I fell now.
I will never be able to play it though in public, for it makes me cry

A day in the life

It is not enough to simply live with my mind as my only refuge for my words and thoughts. So the blog thing seems a more modern way to go than a diary. It is with happiness and question that I type these words, a revolution I hope is in the making. The one indefinite question is what that revolution may be.
My time has been spent rather carelessly as my friends have seen. It is without a certain reason I inform you of this. Some self-expression for, someone in my life.
I do believe that everything happens for a higher purpose. The free time I spend now is trying to find the truth behind it, but come up a blank. My efforts go without reconition.
I have concluded that I have had a change of mind set in the past few months. I don't know why
The time has come. To,

Never mind